Discover How to Become Lovable, Love Life and Love Yourself
Self love has a poor connotation for many, who confuse self love with narcissism, or excessive vanity. Depending on their upbringing, environment and life experience even thinking about increasing a person’s own self love may even appear vulgar.
However, we can easily look around at the people we know. Some seem to almost skate through life, quietly confident and self-assured in their daily lives. These people seem to have a knack for trying anything and succeeding at much they do.
They are also seemingly able to simply shrug off failures that would leave others despondent for ages.
There are also others who drag through their lives, exuding fear and surliness, lacking in ability to relate to others in a comfortable, reciprocal manner.
On this spectrum, where do you fit in? Can you see that if you felt better about yourself that you would attract more happiness into your life?
Love is not a finite resource. It can’t be hoarded, or it withers and dies. Love grows and strengthens with use. This publication will help you understand how increasing your healthy love of yourself will increase the love that comes to you from others.
It explains the correlation between giving and receiving love, and gives insights into how to improve both, and by so doing, increasing your personal happiness and joy of life.
The Basics of Self Love
It’s probably fair to say that nobody is born ‘unlovable’ and we are all born with the power of self love. However, as life develops, how you and others see your lovability will depend greatly on the positive and negative influences that occur throughout your life.
The biggest factor of all will be your emotional reaction to these influences, as no two people, even experiencing similar events and circumstances, will have identical responses. When it comes to matters of the mind, immutable rules of physics don’t necessarily apply.
The human mind is incredibly complex, and no-one claims to know all its workings. The greatest and most wonderful consideration is that anything perceived by you or others as not being lovable, can be changed, if you so desire.
Believing in your core self’s lovability is the foundation of self love.
The Two Types of Self Love
There are actually two types of positive self love, self centric love and purpose centric love. If you’re not sure what they are, we’ve briefly explained them both below.
Self Centric Love
Self centric love is when you become motivated to do things for yourself. You may indulge in an activity that relaxes you physically and mentally. After all, if you’ve been working hard, you deserve some self love.
Purpose Centric Love
The second type of love is purpose centric love. This is when you strive to be happy and healthy emotionally. By doing so, you can become more capable of giving love to your family and friends.
Most of us possess these two types of self love. However, some people don’t have an even balance between the two. Make sure you do!
Be Lovable and Believe You Can Be
Being lovable, or having self love, does not mean you necessarily are a person with a narcissistic personality. Standing in front of the mirror and giving yourself positive self love affirmations is a good and mentally healthy thing to do.
It’s different from the person who loves looking at themselves in the mirror, because they love their own reflection.
As with a great many aspects of our life and living, the primary motivation and impetus, or reason for doing something, is more important than the act.
To be lovable, don’t wait for things to change. You have to make the changes to make things happen. You have to share love to receive love. You can do this most effectively by showing kindness.
If it’s not reciprocated, you may need to move on as negativity may impact your confidence in relating to others. However, a big part of loving other people involves making allowances for their shortcomings and differences to your own specific filters.
A part of emotional maturity is the ability to discern the motives of others – are they making an effort in the relationship, as least to a level that their own emotional state allows, or are they simply ‘using’ you, taking but giving little in return?
Be Accountable for Whatever Makes You Unlovable
We’ve already said that your core self is lovable, however, our reactions to our life’s events or happenings can cause us to block or alter access to this lovable core, affecting both the ability to give and receive love.
Actions that we take, often thoughtlessly, sometimes selfishly, can certainly cause others to withhold their most caring feelings from us.
Doing wrong to others can certainly leave you to be less lovable, but you can undo the wrong and make it right. Apologize to the people you have wronged. Don’t hold grudges either, as you will only give off negative vibes, no matter how hard you try to conceal them.
Limitations and Imperfections Are Part of Your Uniqueness
We aren’t all perfect, no-one is, therefore accepting our own limitations and imperfections is an important pre-requisite to self love. You will never be able to appreciate yourself if you keep on beating yourself up over your feelings of imperfection.
Remind yourself of the things you can do, rather than the ones that feel like they are blocking you. Remember that your own limitations are a part of what makes you unique from other individuals, and that your uniqueness is an additional factor to your lovability.
Being able yourself to accept your imperfections allows you to expose those parts of yourself to others. This honesty contributes to a fuller, more honest relationship with others.
Ongoing, increasing disclosure in response to acceptance and understanding from the other party is part of the basis of an honest and loving relationship.
Be Grateful and Show Gratitude
Always start and end each day with being grateful. Express gratitude not only to those people who deserve it, but also to whatever it is you consider to be your spiritual source. Be grateful, not just for the possessions you have in your life, but also the kind, loving people you have in your life.
This acknowledgement and thanks to a higher being, or central source, has been proven to ‘change the color of your day’ by reminding you of the many wondrous people and things that exist in your environment.
If you make it a daily habit to express your gratitude you will certainly become more lovable.
Choose to Be Happy
To be happy is a choice. For someone who has unconsciously chosen to be mostly unhappy, or who may view happiness as a destination that will only be achieved after the attainment of a yet unmet goal or wish, this can seem a foreign concept.
It can be difficult to love yourself and others if you are not happy. It doesn't matter whether the circumstances are negative or positive, strive to find the happiness that still exists. An individual can appear to have everything they could ever want to have in their life, yet they can still be unhappier than the person who has apparently nothing.
Therefore, be happy, as it will make you more lovable and your own self love will grow stronger. It is also important to avoid comparing yourself with others. It is when you compare yourself with others that you can develop bitterness and envy, leading to feelings of worthlessness. This in turn can make you feel unhappier and further diminish your own self-respect.
How to Practice Self Love
It may seem strange, but you can practice and increase self love, which will add to your emotional quotient or emotional maturity. Here are a few steps to help you get started.
Nurture Yourself by Creating a Self Care Ritual
Take a moment to unplug yourself from social media and any connection to the Internet. Taking time out can help you relieve current and prevent future stress. It is an unfortunate fact that your stress levels will often become affected while concerning yourself with what others are doing, or worse still, what they are thinking (about you).
Begin a ritual where you will deservedly pamper yourself. You can do this in many ways, depending on what you consider being pampered. Perhaps it’s taking a bubble bath while playing your favorite music. Or, you may prefer total silence, such as laying in bed and letting your mind wander to a peaceful place.
You may choose to mindfully prepare and eat something special. If, like many or most of us, you are watching what you eat to manage your weight, let this meal be your ‘treat’ or free meal. Let is still be nutritious, but more indulgent than your usual fare. This will alleviate feelings of guilt which is not part of the plan!
Don’t gorge, but savor. Prepare with care, and cherish every mouthful, reminding yourself that you deserve this. Don’t rush either the preparation or consumption. Moments like these helps balance out the feelings of scarcity, of time, money or love, that burden our hearts and minds.
Build A Network of Love
“No man is an island” is one of the fundamental truths of human existence that you simply cannot ignore. This old adage remains as true today as when it was first penned. We all need each other to be able to survive and thrive.
It is our self love and the ability to love others that enables us not just to survive but to live a happy life. To make this a reality, you have to create a network of love by spreading love to others. Love is contagious.
Continue to make real connections by spending quality time with your family and friends. If you’re working in an office, create an impression that tells others you are happy to help them. Reach out and be proactive about offering help whenever you can.
By building your network of love you will become more emotionally and mentally healthy. Research shows again and again that loneliness and inability to socially relate to others in a healthy manner is a major contributing factor to many areas of ill-health, including physical.
One of the best ways to boost the immune system, and at the same time prevent or reduce the incidence and severity of conditions such as Alzheimer’s Disease, is to maintain an active network of contacts, friends and acquaintances.
Let Go of the Negatives
Letting go of the negatives can be likened to cleaning your closet. Now is the time to declutter your mind of any unpleasant experiences in your life. Cleaning your physical surrounds also makes it easier to focus on the cleaning of your mind. When all clutter is removed, your stress and anxiety levels will diminish, or at least cease to grow.
Letting go of physical and emotional baggage can be difficult but well worth all the effort you can give. Negative emotions have a blocking action on love – in and out. Get rid of the negativities and make room for all the positive flow that will come your way.
Do Something You Enjoy and That You're Good At
Doing something that makes you feel good, and being good at it, will help increase your stocks of self love. Knowing you are an achiever in something is probably the ultimate self love trigger. This does not have to be Guinness Book of Records material. Think of a hobby, craft or game that you enjoy and can improve on, with enjoyed practice.
Stop resenting what you cannot do. Instead, focus on what you enjoy doing and what you do well. Many people make the mistake of not making the time to do what they enjoy, and this can cause more stress and anxiety. If you take the time to do what you enjoy you will appreciate yourself and your life even more.
Be Lovable, Love Life and Love Yourself
Some people end up living a life of misery because they expect everyone to love them. This just isn’t going to happen. There are some who will love you to the moon and back and others who don’t even like you. This is life applying the law of averages.
However, don’t let this get you down in any way! If you don’t spread love and show your love to the people around you, self love can become an elusive wish. Loving yourself and loving other people is a two-way street. You will almost certainly be unable to have one without the other.
So, start showing some love and expressing your appreciation to others, and focus on getting the love you want!